Nancy Slotnick: We’ve Got an Hour

I never would have thought, when I was single, that those 4 words could sound so sexy.  “We’ve got an hour.”  With a raised eyebrow it becomes a full-fledged turn-on.  At least I have the hour.  Usually.

As I prepare to fully enter the world of new media when my iPhone 5 arrives next week, I find myself sad to retire my Crackberry.  Those little keys on the keypad are so easy and so soothing.  I can get so much done.  Or nothing at all.  When both my husband and my son started complaining that I was so addicted to my Blackberry that I didn’t notice them, I knew I had a problem.  I had just thought I was a Blackberry Girl.

So I started realizing that how I spend my time might have some impact on whether I am reaching my goals.  I know I’m always busy.  Emails, texts, constant communication.  But maybe I’m just running a treadmill?

Ironically, they had a marathon of Ground Hog Day on TBS or something last week.  (Yes, they played it over and over. Lol.)  Like a sucker, I watched even though I have seen it many times before.  (I watched in between emails, anyway.)  I didn’t see the end but I asked my friend who is a huge Bill Murray fan: “What finally got him to the next day?”  It was when he started focusing on the people in his life in a helpful and vulnerable way.  He wasn’t concerned about what he was getting from them.   But he still was going after what he wanted.  (i.e. Andie MacDowell.)

I want to recommend to you, if you are single, to be Bill Murray.  Try to be Bill Murray in the last go ‘round of Ground Hog Day, not Bill Murray in Caddyshack.  (The pond is not so good for you.)  Bill Murray in Lost in Translation is not bad either.

What this means— There’s a guy who was in the papers this week because he has spent $65,000 on Matchmakers and has not gotten a mate.  I have not worked with him but supposedly I might be approached next.  (at least that’s what the Yahoo reporter said when she quoted me)

Here’s what I would tell him: I run a matchmaking company, Matchmaker Cafe, but I don’t consider myself a matchmaker because finding love cannot be outsourced.  It cannot be figured out on paper nor by an algorithm.  You have to meet.  Emailing and texting is only useful to the extent that you use that technology to set up a date.  At Matchmaker Café we facilitate dates because you are busy and you may need a concierge.  We don’t promise to find the person for you.  You have to collaborate with us, to have some skin in the game.  We know that you don’t need endless email noise and phone tag.   You don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on matchmakers and your iPhone (or Blackberry!) is not going to help you that much. You need to have a date.  And you need to show up for it.  It’s as simple as that.  But over and over.  Until it works, like Bill Murray.

If you really want to find love, you have to get pro-active.  Whether the search is online or off, make a date happen.  In real life.   Chances are you won’t like the person, unfortunately.  But it will only take an hour.  And it will get you out of the house with your Cablight on.  You might meet someone on the way home.  You might run into a friend who wants to set you up.  You never know what can happen next.  Serendipity doesn’t even take an hour.  It happens in the blink of an eye.  But you have to be engaged in that serendipity, expecting and hoping that it will serve you.  Because in the blink of an iPhone, you can also miss it.