Nancy Slotnick: I Love Girls

I love girls.

I love girls. Ok, I should really say I love Girls, the new HBO show, but the previous sentence was my feeble attempt to capture the attention of my male readership. Anyway, the show is awesome. The guy’s line “I want you to know, the first time I f*ck you, I might scare you a little, because I’m a man, and I know how to do things,” makes Marni need to masturbate before she even makes it back to her apartment. This is alpha male behavior. Does it exist outside of cable television? Can it be taken seriously or are players, pick up artists and sketch comedians the only guys who really talk this way?

Women want a contradiction in terms, and Lena Dunham does a fantastic job of pointing this out. We want men to take us by storm. We tell ourselves “If he really wanted to meet me, he would come over and talk to me.” But yet when they do take charge, we don’t want to be bossed around. Our girlfriends shame us if we cancel plans because we have a date, as if a whipped boyfriend is the only kind of boyfriend that is acceptable. Maybe they’re just jealous?

I’ve been a dating coach for the last decade, and every girl I meet wants to nab the bad boy who is also a good guy: a husband/father candidate who is an Alpha male in the bedroom. Because I found one for me, I’m in a pretty good position to help in this regard. But the first rule of being married to an Alpha male is very similar to the first rule of Fight Club. In case you haven’t seen it- the rule is you do not speak of it- but I shouldn’t even tell you this because if you want to date an Alpha male you should see Fight Club. And commit not to cringe. Then see it again and watch it as a relationship movie- fascinating on a whole nother level. But I digress.

So therein lies my conundrum. Suffice it to say that the search is hard but totally worth it. That guy does exist. He will not come to you “the natural way” or “when you least expect it,” though. You have to hunt him down and then make him feel like he found you all on his own and convinced you to go out with him. You cannot be needy, controlling or judgmental. You do not “dumb yourself down.” (I never used the “I went to school in Boston” line). But you do not condescend either, and you let him lead. You don’t tell people that you are intimidating to men. That’s a ridiculous idea.  The kind of guy you want is not intimidated by you. But he’s not an idiot, so he’s not going to approach you unless he gets a signal. I call this turning your Cablight On, like a New York City taxicab. This is not an easy concept to learn. I wrote a book about it. Start by believing he is out there. Then, be willing to do what it takes to find and attract him. This includes signing up for Matchmaker Café. Ok, that maybe was a shameless plug. But who are you to argue with fate? I promise to send you good karma. And I have very good karma.