Lisa Miller — Sisters: Empower Your Inner Pirate

“I am what they call me, a pirate, she mused.  And several other things too, for have I not lived many lives in one?  And known more than one man… her lips curled into a smile, remembering. I’ve taken what I wanted, but I’ve also done the best I could for those who depended on me.  Some call me an ally and some think me a traitor because they do not understand that.”

(Grania: She King of the Irish Seas, Morgan Llywelyn)

I devoured all of those 792 pages about the legendary Grace O’Malley this summer, because I needed to find my inner lady pirate.  

Did it help?  

Yup.

Dr. Deepak, founder of the Chopra Center for Wellbeing, says that the need for archetypal role models are key in uncovering one’s hidden potential.  Because archetypes offer profound wisdom across the ages, they typically represent strength and endurance in the face of struggle; define character traits in which we long to aspire; and they demonstrate the potential to live with a little more oomph.  

A lot more oomph.

While I’m very happy in my marriage and don’t need more than one man (one is great, thanks), I was (am) exploring what it means to be, what my beloved female mentor, Rosalyn Bruyere, calls a “Goddess”, and what my young adult girlfriends call, “kick-ass.”

And Grace O’Malley (Grania, in Ireland) delivers.  She was a big specimen of female apparently–tall and strong with big thick hair, trousers, a hearty laugh and an appetite to match.  

She learned to swim in order to avoid drowning at the hands of obnoxious village boys, and she learned to sail the world at the knee of her sea faring father. With work to be done on every expedition, she pulled her weight, literally, with hands raw and bloody along side every single sailor on every single voyage.  

And years later, on her own ship when fire broke out on deck and relentless flames threatened to take her ship along with the lives of her crew, she beat back the firey rage over and over again with the only thing available in close proximity, her jerkin.  

That’s old timey talk for “shirt off her backside.”  Errr, frontside.  So basically waist-up naked, she saved 40 men serving under her.  That doesn’t sound right.

OR maybe it does.

Any way you look at it, the scene is inspiring.  And, men wanted her.  Oh yes, they did.  She towered over most, was wrinkled leathery brown from sea and sun, was unrelentingly stubborn, pirated smaller ships on the high seas when she felt like it, and never showed fear during hand-to-hand combat defending her village (I bet she cried herself to sleep in the calm after the crisis).

In my (family, schools, hood) country growing up, such qualities rarely encouraged the boys.  Maybe the naked fire beating would have.  

Yah for sure, on second thought. 

But I certainly had the impression from my dating culture that sweet was better than salty (dog), soft better than rough, small (MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH) better than big, quiet better than loud, and of course, average better than extraordinary.  

In my 1970’s, 80’s, and 90’s world view, Grania wouldn’t have been termed a Goddess. I was pretty sure that definition was limited to ethereal, demure, soft, clean, thin with perky ones, tunic-wearing ladies with excellent table manners, long hair, and a delicate disposition.  I was pretty sure that to be desirable, I should fit that bill.  But I hardly ever could live up to it.  I tried, though. 

[Insert heavy sigh here.] 

And now back to Grania. While it’s true that the pirating-smaller-vessels thing might have deemed her a bully, the truth is that she also took incredibly good care of her four children, father, horrible husband, and dedicated crew. If someone was in need, she delivered:  an ear, food, shelter, a joke, a breast.

She was the quintessential mother from whom milk and honey continuously flowed. And let’s not forget the ALL the men desiring her, again.  

But how did other women feel about her? Hmmm.  Overtly, it wasn’t addressed in, Grania:  She King of the Irish Seas (I have to type that as often as possible). But we can handle it now.  

Put it this way, I would say that Grania, big, strong, and imperfect, represents the quintessential archetype of the Feminine Divine. And I want to emulate that.  I want my teenager daughters to emulate that.  I want my grown women family and friends to emulate that.  I want my grocery checker to emulate that.

But I’m a grown woman now—with a little insight, some deeper self-acceptance, many fewer jealousy issues, and a pretty sound perspective on life, lessons, and beauty.  The things I really wanted in my youth — a flat stomach, bigger boobs, good hair days, a fairy tale life, were (shallow) limited to a great extent by a lack of role models to emulate.  

(I’m NOT saying that boobs and hair and such aren’t important, they are for many of us; I’m just making a point about limiting beliefs and a narrow outlook.)

Today, while Hollywood glamour plays a big role in the definition of beauty among North American girls and women, at least we also emulate our “sheros”, from athletes and activists, to political figures and executives, to females in the military, to talented women in the arts.

It’s easy to give a sister props today.  We have more opportunity to be nourished by everyday stories of female success.  This means that there are more opportunities for girls and women to grow on the notion that they too, can accomplish what’s in the heart to strive toward.  But we have to keep reinforcing that, over and over and over again for our young ones, and for ourselves.

I grew up with a very different idea of Feminine Divine, limited to characteristics of narrow (very narrow) physical beauty and charm.  Even my 4’10 fireball grandmother (Bubbe Isabel) — who spoke Canadian English with a LOUD and demanding Lithuanian/Cuban accent and who, while wearing a girdle, chased a big scary purse-snatcher down a New York city street to retrieve what was hers — emulated only women who fit the Aphrodite bill.

Why? Why? Why?!!!!!  

Because.  Lots of reasons.  But what matters now is that I continue to broaden and welcome an expanded definition of womanhood, raw and honest, into the collective feminine soul of which I am connected.

It’s not that I never recognized that Grace O’Malley, Serena Williams, Tina Fey, Louise Hay, Kristin Chenowith, Jesus’s Mother, Cher, Oprah, Hillary, Helloise, and Isabel Dascal Adelson, to name a few, ALL fit the Goddess bill.  It’s that I never realized I did too.

And, my friend who said to me a few days ago, “Sh*# happens to me, and I f#*^!!* put one foot in front of the other, and it always works out”, was expressing how living the definition actually works. And it turns out that I’ve been living that definition all along.  And you have to.

Yes, good historical fiction fed all this perspective.  It showed me the extra confidence I was looking for in preparing to lead a Women’s Retreat in Mexico, assisted me in uncovering some hidden potential for more oomph, and helped me to understand womanhood more deeply.  

And now you, in whatever form you find yourself right NOW, in whatever role, in whatever stage in your life, let yourself be your idea of a satisfied woman.  

That’s it. The archetypal Feminine Divine IS about self- acceptance.  It’s about taking what you want without guilt, giving generously, maybe living “many lives in one”, and definitely, it’s following your heart even when others “do not understand that.”  It’s more than okay to be yourself. 

Look around to see what our x chromosome ancestors have done, are doing, then sleep on it, and be your own definition of woman when you wake up.

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Join Lisa:

The Sacred Women’s-Circle:  A Goddess Retreat

Sunday, December 4^th :  The Mind Body Studio: 517 Southland Dr, Lexington, KY

OR

Saturday January 7^th:  The Om Place: 815 Quisenberry Ln, Winchester, KY 

10:00am-5:00pm

Join this light-hearted circle of women for a day of gentle yoga, chakra meditation, understanding your aura, Nia dance, writing, and Ayurveda, as we reconnect with the inner Goddess that resides in each of us.

Sharing a common intention to live from the abundance of soulful wisdom and levity that we each carry in our hearts and bodies, and which we can integrate MORE fully into our daily routines, we will set joyful paths for ourselves into 2012.

This will be a day of laughter, insight, movement, play, and stillness, in the company of other fantastic women who share a similar desire to feel great and to

live  from a place of happiness!

To reserve your space in a class, mail a check for $70, include your name, phone & e-mail, and specify class location to: Lisa Miller C/o The Cntr for Wellness Therapies, 2040 Regency Rd, suite A, Lexington, KY 40503

Questions? Lisa Miller, RYT/ Chopra Center for Wellbeing Instructor:  

(859)227-4101, or LisaMMM628@aol.com

Bring a brown bag lunch, journal & colored pencils, water bottle, & dress comfortably.