Jeff Smith: Do As I Say — A Political Advice Column

Q: I’m a veteran lobbyist in a midsize state. I have a client I’ve represented for six years. Decent client, pays fine, nothing to write home about. Now a large firm that is typically on the other side of things wants to hire me away—for twice the money. What should I do?
—Initials and Location Withheld

Good question. Depends on your financial circumstances and the value you place on your professional reputation, loyalty and your principles—assuming you have them. Let’s go one at a time:

1) Do you need the money badly? Is your practice struggling? Do you have a family to support? Start at 0 and add 1 point for each “yes.”

2) How important to you is the respect of your peers?

“Very” = subtract 2

“Somewhat” = subtract 1

“Not very important” = 0

3) Do you think loyalty is an extremely important trait, a somewhat important trait or a not very important trait in a lobbyist?

“Very” = subtract 2

“Somewhat” = subtract 1

“Not very important” = 0

4) Do you think it’s very important, somewhat important or unimportant to agree with your clients’ view?

“Very” = subtract 2

“Somewhat” = subtract 1

“Unimportant” = Do Not Pass Go: Proceed directly to “Free Parking” in the office of your new client.

Tally your points. If you have a positive number, take the new client and drop the old one. If you have a negative number, stand pat. If you’re at 0, flip a coin.

While we’re on the subject, a Missouri lobbyist named Brian Grace just issued a challenge to his corridor colleagues: Take on one nonprofit group pro bono as a client. Should you decide to switch teams, I recommend that as a way to ease your conscience.

Q: Okay, I know you usually do questions from politicians, but how about politicians’ spouses? Here’s my question: My husband just got elected to the state Legislature. I’ve heard it’s a cesspool up there. And I’ve already caught him checking out one of his interns as she was walking away from him. Let me be honest: I love him, but he’s not a great-looking guy and so I probably shouldn’t worry. Or should I?
—E.B., Location Withheld

Yes, you should worry. He’s got three strikes against him already: 1) He’s got enough of an ego to seek office, which suggests that he probably enjoys attention; 2) You caught him ogling his intern; and 3) He’s not very good-looking. You’ve misinterpreted No. 3. You think that because of his homeliness, he won’t be able to attract women up there? I can promise you, it won’t matter. Handsome pols/athletes/movie stars are probably less likely to cheat—they’ve had a lifetime of opportunities for romance. For those who are less attractive, the initial brush with fame may be their first chance for significant romantic opportunities, and thus more difficult to resist.

Kissinger noted that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. He was referring to the presidency, not the power of a minority party freshman rep in the Wyoming Legislature. But to a 20-year-old sophomore at Casper College, that could be a distinction without a difference. Remember, when you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Whoops, sorry, bad pun.

Q: I have a great job in the Obama administration—a job that may not exist in a Republican administration. During the campaign, I probably should’ve helped more than I did. I gave a modest donation, made a halfhearted attempt to volunteer on some policy committee, but basically did next to nothing. Mainly that was because I don’t like Obama. Never have. I mean, I can barely watch his press conferences. Don’t get me wrong, I hate Romney and wanted Obama to win. But I work hard all week, and I had other things to do with my weekends. Anyway, everybody’s buzzing about the inaugural right now. What do I do if someone at work asks what I did to help the president?
—No Initials Please, Washington, D.C.

Just shake your head and say, “Listen, I did more to help the president than you’ll ever know.” Which will be true, because you’ll then change the subject before you can tell him about your pathetic effort to volunteer and your piddly donation. Interesting that even your own livelihood couldn’t get you off your duff. Of course, given your sentiment, you probably would’ve been a crappy volunteer anyway, so no big loss.

(Cross-posted from City and State NY)

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