The new year is always a time for resolutions and self reflection. Since it’s the Jewish New Year (and I’m Jewish), I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Of course, being married to a therapist, and having had years of therapy myself, I tend to do that year‘round. So, even if you’re not Jewish, I would encourage you to join me. Extra self reflection never killed the cat. I don’t even think curiosity did. Curiosity is a beautiful thing, and cats have 9 lives regardless.
So I invented a way of helping myself when I am trying to reach a goal. I ask “Future Me”what I should do. For example, one of my goals for this year is around my business. In my mind’s eye, Matchmaker Café is about to be large and in charge. (I apologize that my mind’s eye talks like a ‘90s rapper sometimes.) But how I can garner the traction and the capital to get there is a big ordeal. So when I feel overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do next, or when I am trying to make a hiring decision or a partnering decision, what do I do? I ask Future Me.
I just discovered this trick and the amazing thing is that she always knows! And she’s so calm- how the hell does she do that? (Hold on, I’ll ask…….. Ok, she says it’s because she’s satisfied.) Occasionally she says “Too soon to tell” or “Wait and see,” kind of like the Magic 8-Ball. Sometimes she says “You’ll know in 5 years.” I hate that one! But most of the time she knows the answer, almost immediately.
I tried this out with a client of mine yesterday, as a reality check, just in case I was hearing voices, ya know? You never know. I also wanted to see how it would work for someone who is single and looking for the One. In this case, Future You=Married You. It worked like a charm. Questions that would usually perplex her yielded answers instantaneously. I was pleasantly surprised. (especially to discover that I have not had a psychotic break- phew!)
So I would recommend you try it. Word of warning- just as with Willy Wonka and his crazy gum, this philosophy is untested and may go awry by dessert. Especially if you are more like Veruca Salt than Charlie. You have to be very self-explored in order to truly connect with Future You. Be wary of giving yourself the answer you want to hear. There’s a fine line between the purpose of this exercise and being delusional. Having a guide such as a therapist or a coach can always help. (I happen to know of 2 of those right in my apartment—just in case you’re looking. 😉 )
But the beautiful thing about this exercise is that it empowers you to guide yourself in ways you didn’t even know that you could. And, the bigger deal, if you are looking for love, is that it allows you to envision, on a regular basis, what it will be like to be in that relationship of your future. You can get to know what Married You looks like and feels like, how she (or he) makes decisions, how she feels and thinks. And the sooner you can envision Future You, the sooner you can be Future You. I promise. So, for the new year, make Future You your new Guru. And see how soon Future You can be the New You.
Shanah Tovah and, in the words of my mind’s eye: “Just chill, ‘til the next episode. I’m Audi 5!”